No Other Choice
by shulesaddict77
Summary: "I can't think about anything or anybody, I can't sleep, I can't breathe." Mark seeks Derek's advice after Lexie's confession. COMPLETE


**Oh man! How awesome was Lexie's speech? I didn't expect that to happen. Well, maybe a little. It was after all the 22th episode and we all know what happened in 6x22. I still have problems to catch my breath, not to mention how often I already hit the replay button. LOL. Enjoy!**

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**No Other Choice**

"I love you."

If anything could shock him it was hearing these words out of her mouth.

"Oh go … oh my god, that just came … flying … out of my face like some kind of … I … I love you. I just … ahhh … I did it again I … I … I love you. I do. I just … I … I love you. And I have been trying not to say it. I've been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it and … Jackson is a great guy. He is. He is gorgeous and he is younger than you, and he doesn't have any grandkids or babies with his lesbian BFF's and he is an Avery and he liked me. You know, he really liked me."

Why did she bring that up? Why did she feel the need to rub his past mistakes in his face again? But her next words knocked the breath out of him.

"But it was never gonna work out because I … I love you. I'm so in love with you. And … you're … you're … you're in me. It's … you are like … it's like you're a disease. It's like I'm infected by Mark Sloan. And I can't … I can't think about anything or anybody, and I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't eat and I love you. I just love you all the time, every minute of every day. And I … I … I … LOVE … YOU. God, that feels good just to say that … I feel so much better … I love you."

Mark only stood there, shell-shocked, not able to comprehend what had just happened. He took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly, still not sure what he should say.

"Mark?"

~M&L~

"Mark?"

"Huh?" Julia's voice jerked him out of his musings.

"You didn't eat anything." Julia said quietly.

"I'm not hungry."

"Did something happen? It's not because of this morning, is it?"

"No. It's … it was just a long day." Mark replied.

"Okay, then I'll just go and … See you tomorrow?" Julia grabbed her jacket and purse and walked towards the door.

"See ya."

As the door closed behind Julia Mark still stared aimlessly out of the window. He thought he'd finally managed to sort everything out in his life, that there wouldn't be any more surprises. Apparently he'd been wrong. Two hours ago his life had been normal. Everything had been at the right place. But right now, at that moment, he could just stare at the chaos that his life was. Two minutes had changed everything.

~M&L~

"Derek, can I talk to you?" Mark asked, after he'd found his best friend standing at a nurse station.

"Yeah, sure." Derek turned around and leaned comfortably against the desk.

"In private." Mark spoke curtly, rushing towards Derek's office.

"What's up?" Derek asked, the moment Mark closed the door behind him. "You look like hell."

"I didn't sleep last night." Mark stated.

"What happened?"

"I ... I ... she ..." Mark stammered in the futile attempt to tell Derek what happened.

"Ohh ..." Derek said as it suddenly dawned on him. "Finally something came out."

"What?"

"She told you." Seeing the confused expression on Mark's face, Derek elaborated. "You are talking about Lexie, right?"

"You knew?" Mark asked baffled.

"Yeah, I knew. What did she say?" Derek asked while he walked around his desk and sat down in his chair.

"She … I don't know."

"You don't remember?"

"I remember every single word." Mark said harshly. "EVERY SINGLE WORD. God damn it. She ... she told me that she loves me. And not only once, I lost count of how often she said it. I ..."

"But you don't believe her." Derek said, after Mark didn't continue to speak.

"No, I do believe her. God, Derek. You didn't see her. She ... No, she was telling the truth. I just can't believe that she ... what am I supposed to do now?" Mark asked, slumping into the chair across from Derek.

"You know Lexie is like a sister for me and you are like a brother, but you two are driving me nuts." Derek stated exasperatedly.

"Excuse me?" Mark asked stunned.

"I have no idea what she told you, but I know what she told _me_. She was devastated after she heard that you were thinking about moving in with Julia, she was on the brink of a break down because she wasn't able to tell you that she loves you. She really does, you know?"

"Does what?"

"Love you. She ..."

"I know, Derek." Mark interrupted him. "She told me. Remember?"

"But do you _really_ believe it."

"I do. First I thought it was going to be another speech about how we are at different stages in our lives, that she loves me but that we can't make it work because of our history. But then she told me that Jackson would be the better choice but ..."

"What?"

"That it could never work out because she is in love with me. She ... She told me that I'm like a disease, that she is infected by me. She ... she told me that she can't think about anything or anybody, that she can't sleep, that she can't breathe."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Derek asked surprised.

"Julia showed up." Mark said as an explanation.

"Ohh. So what do you want to say to her?"

"To Julia?"

"No. To Lexie."

"I don't know, Derek." Mark rubbed a hand frustrated over his face. "She ... I let her go and she walked away."

"But she came back." Derek said quietly.

"Yeah, she came back." Mark spoke barely above a whisper.

"The question is, do you want her back?"

"I don't know." Mark said desperately. "I don't know what to do, Derek."

"I can't tell you what you should do, Mark. But ... close your eyes."

"What?" Mark asked incredulously. "Are you going all shrinky on me now?"

"Mark, you are extremely tense." Derek tried to explain. "I'm afraid if I would touch you right now, you would burst into a million pieces, so just do it. Okay?"

"I have no idea how this should help. But fine." Mark huffed, closing his eyes.

"Take deep breaths."

"Do you want me to lie down on the couch?" Mark asked sarcastically, opening one eye.

"Mark!" Derek exclaimed angrily.

"Okay, okay."

"Try to relax. At least a little bit. You are not gonna be able to make any decision when you don't calm down."

Mark took in some deep breaths and Derek could see how the tension in his shoulders eased a little bit, how Mark forced himself to open his fists, pressing his hands against his thighs before he relaxed them and opened his eyes slowly.

"Are you ready to listen?" Derek asked him.

"I think so."

"And let me finish before you say anything. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm not gonna tell you what to do, Mark." Derek began. "I'm just stating the facts here. Julia is an amazing woman and I know that you know that. She gets along with Callie and Arizona and she loves Sofia. She loves you and she want to start a family with you. She is your age, you are both at the same stage in your life, at the same stage in your careers. She is perfect."

Mark opened his mouth, but Derek only shook his head and Mark closed it again without saying anything.

"But I've seen what sort of a man you are when you are with Lexie." Derek continued. "For the first time in your life you truly loved a woman. You would have done anything for her. You tried to stay away from her, but whatever was between you two at the beginning was stronger. Your feelings seem always more intense when it comes to Lexie. Do you even realize that you hardly asked for my advice while you were together with her? Now you want to know my opinion about everything. You want to discuss every step of your relationship with Julia. As if you want me to talk you out of it."

"So you do have an opinion." Mark interjected.

"I'm just saying. I wanted to show you the whole picture. You have to choose between two amazing women who both love you. But before you gonna choose, you have to remind yourself that you shouldn't make the same mistake as Lexie." Mark raised his eye brows, asking him silently to elaborate what he was trying to tell him. "On paper Julia would be the right choice. But you can't decide against Lexie only because you two didn't have a stellar history together. You've seen what happens when you try to force your heart to love somebody else. I'm sure Lexie's speech was very insightful. It doesn't work, Mark. Don't settle for the second best because it's less scary."

"I don't know if this is of any help."

"Okay, let me make it easy for you." Derek said. "I have one question for you and you need to answer it without thinking about it. Ready?" When Mark only nodded, he asked him the question without preamble. "Who do you want to be the mother of your future children?"

"Lexie." Mark replied without thinking and his jaw dropped down with surprise as he realized what he'd just said.

"There you go." Derek smiled. "You have your answer."

"But ..."

"Mark, you clearly want Lexie, but you are afraid." Derek told him. "I can understand that. But you would never forgive yourself if you don't try. I think you can make it work this time. Mostly because you both know now what it means to live a life without the other person at your side. Love is never easy, Mark. Look at me and Meredith. But it's worth it."

"What if she walks away from me again?" Mark asked quietly. "I can't go through this again."

"What if she doesn't walk away from you?" Derek asked in return. "What if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, no matter what happens?"

"I love her, Derek." Mark admitted after a few seconds of silence.

"I know."

"But I don't know if love is enough."

"Do you think this is fair to Julia?" Derek asked, getting impatient with Mark. "Do you think you should marry her, have children with her when your heart will never be completely in it? When you are in love with someone else?"

"No. It's not fair."

"As I see it, you never had a choice, Mark. Your heart already made the decision a long time ago. The question is will you listen to it?"

~M&L~

"I need to talk to you." Mark said quietly as he closed the door behind Callie who'd just come to take Sofia back to their apartment. He turned around to face Julia.

"I'm not gonna like what you want to tell me, am I?" Julia asked cautiously, searching his face for any clues.

"I'm afraid not."

"Has this anything to do with Lexie? You were acting all weird when I joined you yesterday."

"Actually, it's all about Lexie."Mark stated calmly.

"What do you mean?" Julia asked confused.

"Julia, I'm … I'm sorry. I'm a jerk."

"What did you do?"

"I should have never started a relationship with you." Mark replied.

"Why?"

"Because ..." Mark took a deep breath, raising his head to look her in the eyes. "Because I'm in love with someone else."

"Lexie?" Julia exclaimed, as suddenly a lot of situations made sense to her. "You and Lexie? Wait a sec, how much younger than you is she? Ten years?"

"Twelve."

"Twelve?" Julia replied furiously. "Are you freaking kidding me? Is this some kind of midlife crisis?"

"No, I ..." Mark tried to explain.

"I thought you wanted a family." Julia interrupted him. "Do you really believe she wants that?"

"Julia, I get that you are angry."

"Angry?" Julia hissed. "I'm furious. So I was just the rebound woman until she decided to take you back?"

"No. I really thought that I'm over her." Mark said. "But the truth is. I always only wanted a family with her."

"Mark Sloan, you are a jerk! I can't even … I never want to see you again." Julia shouted, storming out of his apartment, slamming the door shut behind her.

~M&L~

"Lex?" Mark had finally found her, glad that she was in the basement, sitting on a gurney. The possibility to get interrupted down here was much lower than in the upper floors.

"Hey." Lexie greeted him, her voice quivering slightly.

"Hey." Mark replied, his eyes boring into hers and for several moments they only stared at each other. Neither of them able to say something before Lexie finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, Mark."

"For what?" Mark asked curiously, approaching the gurney and sitting down beside her.

"For confessing my feelings like that." Lexie replied, turning her body so that she could face him. "I should have kept my mouth shut."

"I'm glad you didn't." Mark said quietly.

"You are?" Lexie asked surprised.

"I am."

"Why?"

"Because I feel the same way as you."

"The same way?"

"Since the moment you left yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat."

"What about breathing?" Lexie asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Barely." Mark smirked, lifting his hand to cradle her cheek. "I shouldn't love you considering what happened in the past. But I do. I broke up with Julia but I won't lie to you, Lex. I'm scared that we might screw this up again."

"We won't." Lexie said determined.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Because this time we won't let fate get in our way."

"Wasn't it fate that brought you to my hotel room in the first place?" Mark smiled broadly, threading his fingers into her hair, pulling her towards him.

"That wasn't fate. That was because of your irresistible sex appeal." Lexie deadpanned.

"Yeah, you wanted to see how good of a teacher I am." Mark chuckled, lowering his head, brushing his lips over hers.

"Yeah, and you were magnificent." Lexie whispered, pressing her lips against his, sighing softly as Mark's tongue swept into her mouth.

Completely dazed, Lexie kept her eyes shut for a few seconds as Mark released her lips. Opening them slowly, she smiled up at him.

"Have I told you already that I love you?"

"Quite a few times actually." Mark smirked. "But that was yesterday. I wouldn't mind to hear it again."

Lexie leaned forward, taking his face between her hands. "I love you, Mark."

"I love you, too." Mark sealed her lips with his, engaging her in another toe-curling kiss.

When they needed to come up for air, Lexie leaned her head against his shoulder, trailing her hand along his jaw line.

"Can I make a small request?" Lexie asked suddenly.

"What?" Mark asked suspiciously.

"Can I have the scruff back?"

"Why?" Mark asked, completely surprised by her question.

"It's just … I miss it." Lexie whispered. "I miss the feeling of it under my fingers."

"Only under your fingers?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter." Lexie said and Mark raised his eye brows suggestively. "Okay, I admit it. Not only under my fingers."

"It'll take some days to grow it back though. Does that mean I can't kiss you until then?"

"Don't you dare not kiss me!" Lexie exclaimed. "Even though I know that we should talk first … I ..."

"What?"

"I'm too weak when it comes to you. I want you, Mark." Lexie replied softly. "And I can't wait. Not until your scruff is back and certainly not until we talked about all the stuff we need to talk about."

"How about revisiting the past?"

"Revisiting the past?"

"Let's spend the night at the Archfield." Mark suggested.

"Excellent idea. I can't wait."

"Me neither."

Mark gave her a brief kiss before he stood up and walked away and Lexie could feel a silly smile spread out on her face. She could breathe again. He'd chosen her.


End file.
